A question by its very nature acknowledges that the person asking the question does not have all the answers. And because the person does not have all the answers, they are looking outside of themselves for guidance.
Questions, no matter how shocking or blasphemous or arrogant or raw, are rooted in humility. A humility that understands that I am not God. And there is more to know.
Maybe that is who God is looking for - people who don't just sit there and mindlessly accept whatever comes their way.
What are some of Jesus' final words? "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
Jesus. On the cross. Questioning God.
From Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell Pages 30 & 31
I have been feeling pretty bad about the lack of faith that I have been experiencing lately. My post from yesterday was not the easiest to write and I almost didn't, but I know that other people feel the same way.
Somehow I knew on some level that I am forgiven and accepted, but I still felt bad. Then last night I took Jamie to her dance class and brought along Velvet Elvis to keep me company. I just got this book for my birthday from my mom. When I read the passage I quoted above I almost wept. It was as if God was saying to me loud and clear "don't sweat it, we're cool."
It is amazing to consider that Jesus suffered doubt as He hung on the cross. But then, he suffered pretty much everything we go through, I suppose it wouldn't have been complete without a little doubt thrown in the mix.
Since you are a headbanger I doubt you have heard much by Rich Mullins but here is a song that speaks to me when I find myself in the place you are in:
You who live in heaven- hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
who are afraid of being left by those we love and
who get hardened by the hurt.
Do you remember when you lived down here where we all scrape
to find the faith to ask for daily bread?
Did you forget about us after you had flown away?
Well I memorized every word you said.
Still I’m so scared I’m holding my breath
While you’re up there just playing hard to get.
You who live in radiance- hear the prayers of those who live in skin.
We have a love that’s not as patient as yours was
But still we do love now and then.
Did you ever know loneliness- did you ever know need?
Do you remember just how long a night can get?
When you are barely holding on and your friends are all asleep
And don’t see the blood that’s running in your sweat.
Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While you’re up there just playing hard to get.
I know you bore our sorrows.
I know you feel our pain.
I know that it would not hurt any less even if it could be explained
I know that I am only lashing out at the one who loves me most.
And after I have figured this, somehow all I really need to know is if,
You who live in eternity hear the prayers of those of us who live in time.
We can’t see what’s ahead and we cannot get free of what we’ve left behind.
I’m reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All these words of shame and doubt, blame and regret.
I can’t see how you’re leading me unless you’ve led me here
Where I’m lost enough to let myself be led.
And so, you’ve been here all along I guess
It’s just your ways and you are just plain hard to get.
Posted by: Mike Rea | January 25, 2007 at 07:26 PM