The other day I wrote a post called Being Better. I have to be honest, I have been pretty down on myself and my relationship with God lately. I feel like that I generally do a lousy job of living up to my Christian ideals. It seems that I mess up much more often than I get things right.
The night I wrote that post I was praying as a I usually do. I was naively asking God why He hasn't made me a better person. I had forgotten the reality that the Christian faith is not a magic wand that is supposed to improve who you are instantly. Remembering that though doesn't help me, I still want to be a better person, one who lives out his faith. Then I heard the still small voice of God.
This is one of those seriously weird moments where either you get it because you've been there, or you think that I have flipped my lid because you haven't been there. For that reason I hesitated to write this, however, I am convinced that authenticity is more important than respect.
God spoke into my heart. I was told that my trust in God is more important than my good behavior. In fact, I learned, that if God granted my prayer I would probably become smug in my perfection and forget my total reliance on God.
I have since stopped feeling so down on myself. This reality doesn't excuse me from trying to live in a Christ-like way, it just frees me from self-condemnation.
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